That funny feeling lingered on for days, as if it had been just hours since she last met him. Her mind was occupied only with his reflection. His dark eyes, messy hair and the grip of his strong arms around her. She felt safe. He made her feel safe.
Her heart that was caged behind a prison wall, would not stop trying to break out from it. But the prison walls were so tall and strong, that her heart only grew weary of trying. She was scared to give it all that she had. They told her that prison walls can be climbed over or broken down, if one was determined. But the fear of taking a huge leap and falling hard, only to be crushed into pieces again, kept her from trying harder.
Her soul was lost and wanted to be found. It wished that it be found only by his alone. Her heart could not make a choice between taking the risk and giving it all or carrying more regrets without trying. Day and night her heart and soul would fight. Although both knew deep down that the solution was him, neither of them had much faith in how strong her mind was before she lost her sanity for eternity.
”Look up”, he said “We will grow for eternity, intertwined together forever.” She wanted to believe him. But all she saw, was the dark edges that shadowed them. Underneath the green cover, it obstructed the light from entering in.
He said “Together we will be safe from the harsh heat and won’t get burned down”. She thought to herself, the shade only took away the light and the warmth. It dimmed the lights and darkened the skies. She was scared that her soul would freeze to death thanks to the cold that surrounded her.
He promised that it would get easier with time. But time was very expensive. One that she couldn’t afford.
She blocked him out so that she could fight all her bondage by herself. She made a promise that she will be back soon and he waited patiently awaiting her return. Isolation from the world brought her inner peace. When her soul returned victoriously dancing to the sound of freedom, he was gone. He was away fighting a war against the same demons that she shut him out for. It was now, her turn to sit cautiously and hope that her soldier returns unharmed.
When the day of his arrival came, she bathed herself in exotic bath, dressed herself in silk clothing and prepared the finest meal. She set the table with clean linen sheet, porcelain crockery, scented candles and a delicate vase with a bunch of red roses. It was time.
At the table, the two sat facing each other and the room was dimly lit by candlelight. Their faces gleamed through the light but as they looked closer into each other their sight blurred further. They were both aware that wars always took a toll on the living. This time, it destroyed their common ground. Their souls were lost and were on a path very different from the other. There was no mutuality and their journey together had reached a diversion.
What of all the mortal longings if one does not need their consort to support through all the good times and the BAD?
His dark eyes stayed fixated on the road as he drove along the countryside. The rustling sound of the leaves, hooting owls and the whispering dark shadows he passed by went mute as he reached the end. When he stopped and stepped out, the atmosphere felt to him like in a state of vacuum. He heard no sound, he felt no air and he saw no light as the suffocation just grew deeper. His head felt pressured as if it would burst into pieces like shattered glass.
No matter how numb his thoughts had become, he had to be quick and do the right thing. He had made sure his wallet had enough cash and an identity card in case he was found to be unconscious somewhere. He had been planning this since long and made no mistake to avoid any questions unanswered. He always was a step ahead and performed every act undoubtedly accurate. Even after making all the right moves, he found himself surrounded in chaos and everything around him always went awry. He knew he cannot blame himself for everything that went down but he could not quite see the light.
He was dying. He wandered too far in search of a cure only to get worse in time. No cure could bring him back to life. He knew how to hide his flaws and use them for his advantage. Yet, he stood there alone all by himself in pain unable to get a grip, breaking every part of his soul. He knew not what was coming for him but knew what he was doing to keep it coming.
He was surviving each night minute by minute, but tonight was different. He lay on the ground on his back and stared at the sky. He saw the light. He slowly understood what it was that led him so far and felt the numbness fading away. His head did not hurt and his heart had stopped pounding. His tightly gripped hands released the empty bottle, rolling it down the slope.
The owls hooted and the trees danced to the wind. The dark shadows came closer and swallowed him to oblivion. He was gone and finally found the peace he had been longing for all his life. The light never dimmed.
It is clear that no man would know what his purpose is or will ever find what he had been searching all his life. Death lead him to the treasury where time held all the secrets and answers to the entire struggle he put up through his life journey. Only he will know if it was it worth all the answers.
Did he do the right thing or did he only surround himself in mayhem?