She told me to look straight into her eyes before she closes them. I thought she was out of her mind. Yet I didn’t want to take the risk of the consequences of not listening to her. So I stared into her eyes, for too long. She blinked and nothing happened. We walked off and I kept wondering why she was acting so weird all day. I found nothing special in her eyes.
When I reached home and switched on the Wi-Fi, I remembered that night at her place when everyone was waiting for her internet to work. She said it always crashed during the rains. I didn’t bother about Wi-Fi then cause all I wanted to have was fun and a night away from my phone. We danced all night. Played games, sang songs and laughed all night like we didn’t have any worries of the world, lost in the music and the smiles that lit up the room even when the lights were off. She loved having fun. We were always her motivation to smile and do things she’d never do if it weren’t for us. She lived her life and enjoyed it the way she did because when she watched us play she would elude herself into a different world. A world where she didn’t have to fret about who was watching her and talked what about her.
We were the reason why she looked beyond those prying eyes who only reckoned her by her guises (She was indisputably beautiful). The purpose behind she letting herself free was us. If it wasn’t for us, she would mix around with the crowd and be one like them, the ones who never looked deeper into a soul than the body alone.
Then what about us? What about those times when she didn’t have us and we were on the other side of the road while she was busy being one like them? She judged us with her inquisitive senses, gossiping wrong about us only to get some limelight. What about the times when she would ignore and disrespect us only to sound levelheaded and popular? Words and actions can hurt anyone as deep as the ocean. At times like these you don’t know what to believe and whom to trust. When you’re never being yourself around one person, how will the person know you’re for real?
Maybe that wound never healed and hence I didn’t grasp anything in her eyes but a blank dark hole that only saw and took others for granted. She was with me, with us, only so she could experiment her guilty pleasures without pricking her conscious. It is saddening to realize the fact that during those times when she let herself loose, her eyeballs never left us. Her eyes ogled deep, and never beyond our remains. She only perceived what she wanted to and never paid attention to how much she was losing by pretending to genuinely like us.
What she failed to understand is that we are who we are. Being copies isn’t going to take her as far as we have come. She lost us to the people who always judged her right. At least they were right about her and didn’t fall hard like we did. I’m glad we could dust ourselves up from the mess and finally go back to being what we were and care less about the world and worry more about our happiness.